WHAT IS MAN? AND OTHER ESSAYS OF MARK TWAIN

O.M. You love her?

Y.M. Oh, more than that!

O.M. You would always do anything in your power to please her?

Y.M. It is a delight to me to do anything to please her!

O.M. Why? YOU WOULD DO IT FOR PAY, SOLELY–for PROFIT.

What profit would you expect and certainly receive from

the investment?

Y.M. Personally? None. To please HER is enough.

O.M. It appears, then, that your object, primarily, WASN’T

to save the girl a humiliation, but to PLEASE YOUR MOTHER. It

also appears that to please your mother gives YOU a strong

pleasure. Is not that the profit which you get out of the

investment? Isn’t that the REAL profits and FIRST profit?

Y.M. Oh, well? Go on.

O.M. In ALL transactions, the Interior Master looks to it

that YOU GET THE FIRST PROFIT. Otherwise there is no

transaction.

Y.M. Well, then, if I was so anxious to get that profit and

so intent upon it, why did I threw it away by losing my temper?

O.M. In order to get ANOTHER profit which suddenly

superseded it in value.

Y.M. Where was it?

O.M. Ambushed behind your born temperament, and waiting for

a chance. Your native warm temper suddenly jumped to the front,

and FOR THE MOMENT its influence was more powerful than your

mother’s, and abolished it. In that instance you were eager to

flash out a hot rebuke and enjoy it. You did enjoy it, didn’t you?

Y.M. For–for a quarter of a second. Yes–I did.

O.M. Very well, it is as I have said: the thing which will

give you the MOST pleasure, the most satisfaction, in any moment

or FRACTION of a moment, is the thing you will always do. You

must content the Master’s LATEST whim, whatever it may be.

Y.M. But when the tears came into the old servant’s eyes I

could have cut my hand off for what I had done.

O.M. Right. You had humiliated YOURSELF, you see, you had

given yourself PAIN. Nothing is of FIRST importance to a man

except results which damage HIM or profit him–all the rest is

SECONDARY. Your Master was displeased with you, although you had

obeyed him. He required a prompt REPENTANCE; you obeyed again;

you HAD to–there is never any escape from his commands. He is a

hard master and fickle; he changes his mind in the fraction of a

second, but you must be ready to obey, and you will obey, ALWAYS.

If he requires repentance, you content him, you will always

furnish it. He must be nursed, petted, coddled, and kept

contented, let the terms be what they may.

Y.M. Training! Oh, what’s the use of it? Didn’t I, and

didn’t my mother try to train me up to where I would no longer

fly out at that girl?

O.M. Have you never managed to keep back a scolding?

Y.M. Oh, certainly–many times.

O.M. More times this year than last?

Y.M. Yes, a good many more.

O.M. More times last year than the year before?

Y.M. Yes.

O.M. There is a large improvement, then, in the two years?

Y.M. Yes, undoubtedly.

O.M. Then your question is answered. You see there IS use in

training. Keep on. Keeping faithfully on. You are doing well.

Y.M. Will my reform reach perfection?

O.M. It will. UP to YOUR limit.

Y.M. My limit? What do you mean by that?

O.M. You remember that you said that I said training was

EVERYTHING. I corrected you, and said “training and ANOTHER

thing.” That other thing is TEMPERAMENT–that is, the

disposition you were born with. YOU CAN’T ERADICATE YOUR

DISPOSITION NOR ANY RAG OF IT–you can only put a pressure on it

and keep it down and quiet. You have a warm temper?

Y.M. Yes.

O.M. You will never get rid of it; but by watching it you

can keep it down nearly all the time. ITS PRESENCE IS YOUR

LIMIT. Your reform will never quite reach perfection, for your

temper will beat you now and then, but you come near enough. You

have made valuable progress and can make more. There IS use in

training. Immense use. Presently you will reach a new stage of

development, then your progress will be easier; will proceed on a

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