Roughing It by Mark Twain

thorough restoration of the blonde’s strength; and they invited the Duke

to be of the party. They judged that the Duke’s constant presence and

the lawyer’s protracted absence would do the rest–for they did not

invite the lawyer.

So they set sail in a steamer for America–and the third day out, when

their sea-sickness called truce and permitted them to take their first

meal at the public table, behold there sat the lawyer! The Duke and

party made the best of an awkward situation; the voyage progressed, and

the vessel neared America.

But, by and by, two hundred miles off New Bedford, the ship took fire;

she burned to the water’s edge; of all her crew and passengers, only

thirty were saved. They floated about the sea half an afternoon and all

night long. Among them were our friends. The lawyer, by superhuman

exertions, had saved the blonde and her parents, swimming back and forth

two hundred yards and bringing one each time–(the girl first). The Duke

had saved himself. In the morning two whale ships arrived on the scene

and sent their boats. The weather was stormy and the embarkation was

attended with much confusion and excitement. The lawyer did his duty

like a man; helped his exhausted and insensible blonde, her parents and

some others into a boat (the Duke helped himself in); then a child fell

overboard at the other end of the raft and the lawyer rushed thither and

helped half a dozen people fish it out, under the stimulus of its

mother’s screams. Then he ran back–a few seconds too late–the blonde’s

boat was under way. So he had to take the other boat, and go to the

other ship. The storm increased and drove the vessels out of sight of

each other–drove them whither it would.

When it calmed, at the end of three days, the blonde’s ship was seven

hundred miles north of Boston and the other about seven hundred south of

that port. The blonde’s captain was bound on a whaling cruise in the

North Atlantic and could not go back such a distance or make a port

without orders; such being nautical law. The lawyer’s captain was to

cruise in the North Pacific, and he could not go back or make a port

without orders. All the lawyer’s money and baggage were in the blonde’s

boat and went to the blonde’s ship–so his captain made him work his

passage as a common sailor. When both ships had been cruising nearly a

year, the one was off the coast of Greenland and the other in Behring’s

Strait. The blonde had long ago been well-nigh persuaded that her lawyer

had been washed overboard and lost just before the whale ships reached

the raft, and now, under the pleadings of her parents and the Duke she

was at last beginning to nerve herself for the doom of the covenant, and

prepare for the hated marriage.

But she would not yield a day before the date set. The weeks dragged on,

the time narrowed, orders were given to deck the ship for the wedding–a

wedding at sea among icebergs and walruses. Five days more and all would

be over. So the blonde reflected, with a sigh and a tear. Oh where was

her true love–and why, why did he not come and save her? At that moment

he was lifting his harpoon to strike a whale in Behring’s Strait, five

thousand miles away, by the way of the Arctic Ocean, or twenty thousand

by the way of the Horn–that was the reason. He struck, but not with

perfect aim–his foot slipped and he fell in the whale’s mouth and went

down his throat. He was insensible five days. Then he came to himself

and heard voices; daylight was streaming through a hole cut in the

whale’s roof. He climbed out and astonished the sailors who were

hoisting blubber up a ship’s side. He recognized the vessel, flew

aboard, surprised the wedding party at the altar and exclaimed:

“Stop the proceedings–I’m here! Come to my arms, my own!”

There were foot-notes to this extravagant piece of literature wherein the

author endeavored to show that the whole thing was within the

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