Roughing It by Mark Twain

–they were suffocating with suppressed laughter–and had been from the

start, though I had never noticed it. I perceived that I was “sold.”

I learned then that Jim Blaine’s peculiarity was that whenever he reached

a certain stage of intoxication, no human power could keep him from

setting out, with impressive unction, to tell about a wonderful adventure

which he had once had with his grandfather’s old ram–and the mention of

the ram in the first sentence was as far as any man had ever heard him

get, concerning it. He always maundered off, interminably, from one

thing to another, till his whisky got the best of him and he fell asleep.

What the thing was that happened to him and his grandfather’s old ram is

a dark mystery to this day, for nobody has ever yet found out.

CHAPTER LIV.

Of course there was a large Chinese population in Virginia–it is the

case with every town and city on the Pacific coast. They are a harmless

race when white men either let them alone or treat them no worse than

dogs; in fact they are almost entirely harmless anyhow, for they seldom

think of resenting the vilest insults or the cruelest injuries. They are

quiet, peaceable, tractable, free from drunkenness, and they are as

industrious as the day is long. A disorderly Chinaman is rare, and a

lazy one does not exist. So long as a Chinaman has strength to use his

hands he needs no support from anybody; white men often complain of want

of work, but a Chinaman offers no such complaint; he always manages to

find something to do. He is a great convenience to everybody–even to

the worst class of white men, for he bears the most of their sins,

suffering fines for their petty thefts, imprisonment for their robberies,

and death for their murders. Any white man can swear a Chinaman’s life

away in the courts, but no Chinaman can testify against a white man.

Ours is the “land of the free”–nobody denies that–nobody challenges it.

[Maybe it is because we won’t let other people testify.] As I write, news

comes that in broad daylight in San Francisco, some boys have stoned an

inoffensive Chinaman to death, and that although a large crowd witnessed

the shameful deed, no one interfered.

There are seventy thousand (and possibly one hundred thousand) Chinamen

on the Pacific coast. There were about a thousand in Virginia. They

were penned into a “Chinese quarter”–a thing which they do not

particularly object to, as they are fond of herding together. Their

buildings were of wood; usually only one story high, and set thickly

together along streets scarcely wide enough for a wagon to pass through.

Their quarter was a little removed from the rest of the town. The chief

employment of Chinamen in towns is to wash clothing. They always send a

bill, like this below, pinned to the clothes. It is mere ceremony, for

it does not enlighten the customer much. Their price for washing was

$2.50 per dozen–rather cheaper than white people could afford to wash

for at that time. A very common sign on the Chinese houses was: “See

Yup, Washer and Ironer”; “Hong Wo, Washer”; “Sam Sing & Ah Hop, Washing.”

The house servants, cooks, etc., in California and Nevada, were chiefly

Chinamen. There were few white servants and no Chinawomen so employed.

Chinamen make good house servants, being quick, obedient, patient, quick

to learn and tirelessly industrious. They do not need to be taught a

thing twice, as a general thing. They are imitative. If a Chinaman were

to see his master break up a centre table, in a passion, and kindle a

fire with it, that Chinaman would be likely to resort to the furniture

for fuel forever afterward.

All Chinamen can read, write and cipher with easy facility–pity but all

our petted voters could. In California they rent little patches of

ground and do a deal of gardening. They will raise surprising crops of

vegetables on a sand pile. They waste nothing. What is rubbish to a

Christian, a Chinaman carefully preserves and makes useful in one way or

another. He gathers up all the old oyster and sardine cans that white

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