Roughing It by Mark Twain

told, on the overland route.

Next in rank and importance to the division-agent came the “conductor.”

His beat was the same length as the agent’s–two hundred and fifty miles.

He sat with the driver, and (when necessary) rode that fearful distance,

night and day, without other rest or sleep than what he could get perched

thus on top of the flying vehicle. Think of it! He had absolute charge

of the mails, express matter, passengers and stage, coach, until he

delivered them to the next conductor, and got his receipt for them.

Consequently he had to be a man of intelligence, decision and

considerable executive ability. He was usually a quiet, pleasant man,

who attended closely to his duties, and was a good deal of a gentleman.

It was not absolutely necessary that the division-agent should be a

gentleman, and occasionally he wasn’t. But he was always a general in

administrative ability, and a bull-dog in courage and determination–

otherwise the chieftainship over the lawless underlings of the overland

service would never in any instance have been to him anything but an

equivalent for a month of insolence and distress and a bullet and a

coffin at the end of it. There were about sixteen or eighteen conductors

on the overland, for there was a daily stage each way, and a conductor on

every stage.

Next in real and official rank and importance, after the conductor, came

my delight, the driver–next in real but not in apparent importance–for

we have seen that in the eyes of the common herd the driver was to the

conductor as an admiral is to the captain of the flag-ship. The driver’s

beat was pretty long, and his sleeping-time at the stations pretty short,

sometimes; and so, but for the grandeur of his position his would have

been a sorry life, as well as a hard and a wearing one. We took a new

driver every day or every night (for they drove backward and forward over

the same piece of road all the time), and therefore we never got as well

acquainted with them as we did with the conductors; and besides, they

would have been above being familiar with such rubbish as passengers,

anyhow, as a general thing. Still, we were always eager to get a sight

of each and every new driver as soon as the watch changed, for each and

every day we were either anxious to get rid of an unpleasant one, or

loath to part with a driver we had learned to like and had come to be

sociable and friendly with. And so the first question we asked the

conductor whenever we got to where we were to exchange drivers, was

always, “Which is him?” The grammar was faulty, maybe, but we could not

know, then, that it would go into a book some day. As long as everything

went smoothly, the overland driver was well enough situated, but if a

fellow driver got sick suddenly it made trouble, for the coach must go

on, and so the potentate who was about to climb down and take a luxurious

rest after his long night’s siege in the midst of wind and rain and

darkness, had to stay where he was and do the sick man’s work. Once, in

the Rocky Mountains, when I found a driver sound asleep on the box, and

the mules going at the usual break-neck pace, the conductor said never

mind him, there was no danger, and he was doing double duty–had driven

seventy-five miles on one coach, and was now going back over it on this

without rest or sleep. A hundred and fifty miles of holding back of six

vindictive mules and keeping them from climbing the trees! It sounds

incredible, but I remember the statement well enough.

The station-keepers, hostlers, etc., were low, rough characters, as

already described; and from western Nebraska to Nevada a considerable

sprinkling of them might be fairly set down as outlaws–fugitives from

justice, criminals whose best security was a section of country which was

without law and without even the pretence of it. When the “division-

agent” issued an order to one of these parties he did it with the full

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