have, the great Yakmatack tree, in the island of Ounaska, sea of
Kamtchatka–a tree, sir, not one inch less than four hundred and fifteen
feet in solid diameter!–and I wish I may die in a minute if it isn’t so!
Oh, you needn’t look so questioning, gentlemen; here’s old Cap Saltmarsh
can say whether I know what I’m talking about or not. I showed him the
tree.”
Captain Saltmarsh–“Come, now, cat your anchor, lad–you’re heaving too
taut. You promised to show me that stunner, and I walked more than
eleven mile with you through the cussedest jungle I ever see, a hunting
for it; but the tree you showed me finally warn’t as big around as a beer
cask, and you know that your own self, Markiss.”
“Hear the man talk! Of course the tree was reduced that way, but didn’t
I explain it? Answer me, didn’t I? Didn’t I say I wished you could have
seen it when I first saw it? When you got up on your ear and called me
names, and said I had brought you eleven miles to look at a sapling,
didn’t I explain to you that all the whale-ships in the North Seas had
been wooding off of it for more than twenty-seven years? And did you
s’pose the tree could last for-ever, con-found it? I don’t see why you
want to keep back things that way, and try to injure a person that’s
never done you any harm.”
Somehow this man’s presence made me uncomfortable, and I was glad when a
native arrived at that moment to say that Muckawow, the most
companionable and luxurious among the rude war-chiefs of the Islands,
desired us to come over and help him enjoy a missionary whom he had found
trespassing on his grounds.
I think it was about ten days afterward that, as I finished a statement I
was making for the instruction of a group of friends and acquaintances,
and which made no pretence of being extraordinary, a familiar voice
chimed instantly in on the heels of my last word, and said:
“But, my dear sir, there was nothing remarkable about that horse, or the
circumstance either–nothing in the world! I mean no sort of offence
when I say it, sir, but you really do not know anything whatever about
speed. Bless your heart, if you could only have seen my mare Margaretta;
there was a beast!–there was lightning for you! Trot! Trot is no name
for it–she flew! How she could whirl a buggy along! I started her out
once, sir–Colonel Bilgewater, you recollect that animal perfectly well–
I started her out about thirty or thirty-five yards ahead of the
awfullest storm I ever saw in my life, and it chased us upwards of
eighteen miles! It did, by the everlasting hills! And I’m telling you
nothing but the unvarnished truth when I say that not one single drop of
rain fell on me–not a single drop, sir! And I swear to it! But my dog
was a-swimming behind the wagon all the way!”
For a week or two I stayed mostly within doors, for I seemed to meet this
person everywhere, and he had become utterly hateful to me. But one
evening I dropped in on Captain Perkins and his friends, and we had a
sociable time. About ten o’clock I chanced to be talking about a
merchant friend of mine, and without really intending it, the remark
slipped out that he was a little mean and parsimonious about paying his
workmen. Instantly, through the steam of a hot whiskey punch on the
opposite side of the room, a remembered voice shot–and for a moment I
trembled on the imminent verge of profanity:
“Oh, my dear sir, really you expose yourself when you parade that as a
surprising circumstance. Bless your heart and hide, you are ignorant of
the very A B C of meanness! ignorant as the unborn babe! ignorant as
unborn twins! You don’t know anything about it! It is pitiable to see
you, sir, a well-spoken and prepossessing stranger, making such an
enormous pow-wow here about a subject concerning which your ignorance is
perfectly humiliating! Look me in the eye, if you please; look me in the