Roughing It by Mark Twain

CHAPTER LXIX.

Bound for Hawaii (a hundred and fifty miles distant,) to visit the great

volcano and behold the other notable things which distinguish that island

above the remainder of the group, we sailed from Honolulu on a certain

Saturday afternoon, in the good schooner Boomerang.

The Boomerang was about as long as two street cars, and about as wide as

one. She was so small (though she was larger than the majority of the

inter-island coasters) that when I stood on her deck I felt but little

smaller than the Colossus of Rhodes must have felt when he had a man-of-

war under him. I could reach the water when she lay over under a strong

breeze. When the Captain and my comrade (a Mr. Billings), myself and

four other persons were all assembled on the little after portion of the

deck which is sacred to the cabin passengers, it was full–there was not

room for any more quality folks. Another section of the deck, twice as

large as ours, was full of natives of both sexes, with their customary

dogs, mats, blankets, pipes, calabashes of poi, fleas, and other luxuries

and baggage of minor importance. As soon as we set sail the natives all

lay down on the deck as thick as negroes in a slave-pen, and smoked,

conversed, and spit on each other, and were truly sociable.

The little low-ceiled cabin below was rather larger than a hearse, and as

dark as a vault. It had two coffins on each side–I mean two bunks.

A small table, capable of accommodating three persons at dinner, stood

against the forward bulkhead, and over it hung the dingiest whale oil

lantern that ever peopled the obscurity of a dungeon with ghostly shapes.

The floor room unoccupied was not extensive. One might swing a cat in

it, perhaps, but not a long cat. The hold forward of the bulkhead had

but little freight in it, and from morning till night a portly old

rooster, with a voice like Baalam’s ass, and the same disposition to use

it, strutted up and down in that part of the vessel and crowed. He

usually took dinner at six o’clock, and then, after an hour devoted to

meditation, he mounted a barrel and crowed a good part of the night.

He got hoarser all the time, but he scorned to allow any personal

consideration to interfere with his duty, and kept up his labors in

defiance of threatened diphtheria.

Sleeping was out of the question when he was on watch. He was a source

of genuine aggravation and annoyance. It was worse than useless to shout

at him or apply offensive epithets to him–he only took these things for

applause, and strained himself to make more noise. Occasionally, during

the day, I threw potatoes at him through an aperture in the bulkhead, but

he only dodged and went on crowing.

The first night, as I lay in my coffin, idly watching the dim lamp

swinging to the rolling of the ship, and snuffing the nauseous odors of

bilge water, I felt something gallop over me. I turned out promptly.

However, I turned in again when I found it was only a rat. Presently

something galloped over me once more. I knew it was not a rat this time,

and I thought it might be a centipede, because the Captain had killed one

on deck in the afternoon. I turned out. The first glance at the pillow

showed me repulsive sentinel perched upon each end of it–cockroaches as

large as peach leaves–fellows with long, quivering antennae and fiery,

malignant eyes. They were grating their teeth like tobacco worms, and

appeared to be dissatisfied about something. I had often heard that

these reptiles were in the habit of eating off sleeping sailors’ toe

nails down to the quick, and I would not get in the bunk any more. I lay

down on the floor. But a rat came and bothered me, and shortly afterward

a procession of cockroaches arrived and camped in my hair. In a few

moments the rooster was crowing with uncommon spirit and a party of fleas

were throwing double somersaults about my person in the wildest disorder,

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