Roughing It by Mark Twain

honor be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Ghost, which

is one God. Amen.

OLIVER COWDERY,

DAVID WHITMER,

MARTIN HARRIS.

Some people have to have a world of evidence before they can come

anywhere in the neighborhood of believing anything; but for me, when a

man tells me that he has “seen the engravings which are upon the plates,”

and not only that, but an angel was there at the time, and saw him see

them, and probably took his receipt for it, I am very far on the road to

conviction, no matter whether I ever heard of that man before or not, and

even if I do not know the name of the angel, or his nationality either.

Next is this:

AND ALSO THE TESTIMONY OF EIGHT WITNESSES.

Be it known unto all nations, kindreds, tongues, and people unto

whom this work shall come, that Joseph Smith, Jr., the translator of

this work, has shown unto us the plates of which hath been spoken,

which have the appearance of gold; and as many of the leaves as the

said Smith has translated, we did handle with our hands; and we also

saw the engravings thereon, all of which has the appearance of

ancient work, and of curious workmanship. And this we bear record

with words of soberness, that the said Smith has shown unto us, for

we have seen and hefted, and know of a surety that the said Smith

has got the plates of which we have spoken. And we give our names

unto the world, to witness unto the world that which we have seen;

and we lie not, God bearing witness of it.

CHRISTIAN WHITMER,

JACOB WHITMER,

PETER WHITMER, JR.,

JOHN WHITMER,

HIRAM PAGE,

JOSEPH SMITH, SR.,

HYRUM SMITH,

SAMUEL H. SMITH.

And when I am far on the road to conviction, and eight men, be they

grammatical or otherwise, come forward and tell me that they have seen

the plates too; and not only seen those plates but “hefted” them, I am

convinced. I could not feel more satisfied and at rest if the entire

Whitmer family had testified.

The Mormon Bible consists of fifteen “books”–being the books of Jacob,

Enos, Jarom, Omni, Mosiah, Zeniff, Alma, Helaman, Ether, Moroni, two

“books” of Mormon, and three of Nephi.

In the first book of Nephi is a plagiarism of the Old Testament, which

gives an account of the exodus from Jerusalem of the “children of Lehi”;

and it goes on to tell of their wanderings in the wilderness, during

eight years, and their supernatural protection by one of their number, a

party by the name of Nephi. They finally reached the land of

“Bountiful,” and camped by the sea. After they had remained there “for

the space of many days”–which is more Scriptural than definite–Nephi

was commanded from on high to build a ship wherein to “carry the people

across the waters.” He travestied Noah’s ark–but he obeyed orders in

the matter of the plan. He finished the ship in a single day, while his

brethren stood by and made fun of it–and of him, too–“saying, our

brother is a fool, for he thinketh that he can build a ship.” They did

not wait for the timbers to dry, but the whole tribe or nation sailed the

next day. Then a bit of genuine nature cropped out, and is revealed by

outspoken Nephi with Scriptural frankness–they all got on a spree!

They, “and also their wives, began to make themselves merry, insomuch

that they began to dance, and to sing, and to speak with much rudeness;

yea, they were lifted up unto exceeding rudeness.”

Nephi tried to stop these scandalous proceedings; but they tied him neck

and heels, and went on with their lark. But observe how Nephi the

prophet circumvented them by the aid of the invisible powers:

And it came to pass that after they had bound me, insomuch that I

could not move, the compass, which had been prepared of the Lord,

did cease to work; wherefore, they knew not whither they should

steer the ship, insomuch that there arose a great storm, yea, a

great and terrible tempest, and we were driven back upon the waters

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