Sarah Wilkerson–good cretur, she was–one of the likeliest heifers that
was ever raised in old Stoddard, everybody said that knowed her. She
could heft a bar’l of flour as easy as I can flirt a flapjack. And spin?
Don’t mention it! Independent? Humph! When Sile Hawkins come a
browsing around her, she let him know that for all his tin he couldn’t
trot in harness alongside of her. You see, Sile Hawkins was–no, it
warn’t Sile Hawkins, after all–it was a galoot by the name of Filkins–
I disremember his first name; but he was a stump–come into pra’r meeting
drunk, one night, hooraying for Nixon, becuz he thought it was a primary;
and old deacon Ferguson up and scooted him through the window and he lit
on old Miss Jefferson’s head, poor old filly. She was a good soul–had a
glass eye and used to lend it to old Miss Wagner, that hadn’t any, to
receive company in; it warn’t big enough, and when Miss Wagner warn’t
noticing, it would get twisted around in the socket, and look up, maybe,
or out to one side, and every which way, while t’ other one was looking
as straight ahead as a spy-glass.
Grown people didn’t mind it, but it most always made the children cry, it
was so sort of scary. She tried packing it in raw cotton, but it
wouldn’t work, somehow–the cotton would get loose and stick out and look
so kind of awful that the children couldn’t stand it no way. She was
always dropping it out, and turning up her old dead-light on the company
empty, and making them oncomfortable, becuz she never could tell when it
hopped out, being blind on that side, you see. So somebody would have to
hunch her and say, “Your game eye has fetched loose. Miss Wagner dear”–
and then all of them would have to sit and wait till she jammed it in
again–wrong side before, as a general thing, and green as a bird’s egg,
being a bashful cretur and easy sot back before company. But being wrong
side before warn’t much difference, anyway; becuz her own eye was sky-
blue and the glass one was yaller on the front side, so whichever way she
turned it it didn’t match nohow.
Old Miss Wagner was considerable on the borrow, she was. When she had a
quilting, or Dorcas S’iety at her house she gen’ally borrowed Miss
Higgins’s wooden leg to stump around on; it was considerable shorter than
her other pin, but much she minded that. She said she couldn’t abide
crutches when she had company, becuz they were so slow; said when she had
company and things had to be done, she wanted to get up and hump herself.
She was as bald as a jug, and so she used to borrow Miss Jacops’s wig–
Miss Jacops was the coffin-peddler’s wife–a ratty old buzzard, he was,
that used to go roosting around where people was sick, waiting for ’em;
and there that old rip would sit all day, in the shade, on a coffin that
he judged would fit the can’idate; and if it was a slow customer and kind
of uncertain, he’d fetch his rations and a blanket along and sleep in the
coffin nights. He was anchored out that way, in frosty weather, for
about three weeks, once, before old Robbins’s place, waiting for him; and
after that, for as much as two years, Jacops was not on speaking terms
with the old man, on account of his disapp’inting him. He got one of his
feet froze, and lost money, too, becuz old Robbins took a favorable turn
and got well. The next time Robbins got sick, Jacops tried to make up
with him, and varnished up the same old coffin and fetched it along; but
old Robbins was too many for him; he had him in, and ‘peared to be
powerful weak; he bought the coffin for ten dollars and Jacops was to pay
it back and twenty-five more besides if Robbins didn’t like the coffin
after he’d tried it. And then Robbins died, and at the funeral he
bursted off the lid and riz up in his shroud and told the parson to let