Roughing It by Mark Twain

buggy–overboard went the man, and in less time than I can tell it the

vehicle was distributed in small fragments along three hundred yards of

street.

One could have fancied that somebody had fired a charge of chair-rounds

and rags down the thoroughfare. The street car had stopped, the horses

were rearing and plunging, the passengers were pouring out at both ends,

and one fat man had crashed half way through a glass window on one side

of the car, got wedged fast and was squirming and screaming like an

impaled madman. Every door, of every house, as far as the eye could

reach, was vomiting a stream of human beings; and almost before one could

execute a wink and begin another, there was a massed multitude of people

stretching in endless procession down every street my position commanded.

Never was solemn solitude turned into teeming life quicker.

Of the wonders wrought by “the great earthquake,” these were all that

came under my eye; but the tricks it did, elsewhere, and far and wide

over the town, made toothsome gossip for nine days.

The destruction of property was trifling–the injury to it was wide-

spread and somewhat serious.

The “curiosities” of the earthquake were simply endless. Gentlemen and

ladies who were sick, or were taking a siesta, or had dissipated till a

late hour and were making up lost sleep, thronged into the public streets

in all sorts of queer apparel, and some without any at all. One woman

who had been washing a naked child, ran down the street holding it by the

ankles as if it were a dressed turkey. Prominent citizens who were

supposed to keep the Sabbath strictly, rushed out of saloons in their

shirt-sleeves, with billiard cues in their hands. Dozens of men with

necks swathed in napkins, rushed from barber-shops, lathered to the eyes

or with one cheek clean shaved and the other still bearing a hairy

stubble. Horses broke from stables, and a frightened dog rushed up a

short attic ladder and out on to a roof, and when his scare was over had

not the nerve to go down again the same way he had gone up.

A prominent editor flew down stairs, in the principal hotel, with nothing

on but one brief undergarment–met a chambermaid, and exclaimed:

“Oh, what shall I do! Where shall I go!”

She responded with naive serenity:

“If you have no choice, you might try a clothing-store!”

A certain foreign consul’s lady was the acknowledged leader of fashion,

and every time she appeared in anything new or extraordinary, the ladies

in the vicinity made a raid on their husbands’ purses and arrayed

themselves similarly. One man who had suffered considerably and growled

accordingly, was standing at the window when the shocks came, and the

next instant the consul’s wife, just out of the bath, fled by with no

other apology for clothing than–a bath-towel! The sufferer rose

superior to the terrors of the earthquake, and said to his wife:

“Now that is something like! Get out your towel my dear!”

The plastering that fell from ceilings in San Francisco that day, would

have covered several acres of ground. For some days afterward, groups of

eyeing and pointing men stood about many a building, looking at long zig-

zag cracks that extended from the eaves to the ground. Four feet of the

tops of three chimneys on one house were broken square off and turned

around in such a way as to completely stop the draft.

A crack a hundred feet long gaped open six inches wide in the middle of

one street and then shut together again with such force, as to ridge up

the meeting earth like a slender grave. A lady sitting in her rocking

and quaking parlor, saw the wall part at the ceiling, open and shut

twice, like a mouth, and then-drop the end of a brick on the floor like a

tooth. She was a woman easily disgusted with foolishness, and she arose

and went out of there. One lady who was coming down stairs was

astonished to see a bronze Hercules lean forward on its pedestal as if to

strike her with its club. They both reached the bottom of the flight at

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