Roughing It by Mark Twain

bless me, I just took one glimpse, General, and lit out’n the county in

three jumps exactly.

“But what grinds me is that that Morgan hangs on there and won’t move

off’n that ranch–says it’s his’n and he’s going to keep it–likes it

better’n he did when it was higher up the hill. Mad! Well, I’ve been so

mad for two days I couldn’t find my way to town–been wandering around in

the brush in a starving condition–got anything here to drink, General?

But I’m here now, and I’m a-going to law. You hear me!”

Never in all the world, perhaps, were a man’s feelings so outraged as

were the General’s. He said he had never heard of such high-handed

conduct in all his life as this Morgan’s. And he said there was no use

in going to law–Morgan had no shadow of right to remain where he was–

nobody in the wide world would uphold him in it, and no lawyer would take

his case and no judge listen to it. Hyde said that right there was where

he was mistaken–everybody in town sustained Morgan; Hal Brayton, a very

smart lawyer, had taken his case; the courts being in vacation, it was to

be tried before a referee, and ex-Governor Roop had already been

appointed to that office and would open his court in a large public hall

near the hotel at two that afternoon.

The General was amazed. He said he had suspected before that the people

of that Territory were fools, and now he knew it. But he said rest easy,

rest easy and collect the witnesses, for the victory was just as certain

as if the conflict were already over. Hyde wiped away his tears and

left.

At two in the afternoon referee Roop’s Court opened and Roop appeared

throned among his sheriffs, the witnesses, and spectators, and wearing

upon his face a solemnity so awe-inspiring that some of his fellow-

conspirators had misgivings that maybe he had not comprehended, after

all, that this was merely a joke. An unearthly stillness prevailed, for

at the slightest noise the judge uttered sternly the command:

“Order in the Court!

And the sheriffs promptly echoed it. Presently the General elbowed his

way through the crowd of spectators, with his arms full of law-books, and

on his ears fell an order from the judge which was the first respectful

recognition of his high official dignity that had ever saluted them, and

it trickled pleasantly through his whole system:

“Way for the United States Attorney!

The witnesses were called–legislators, high government officers,

ranchmen, miners, Indians, Chinamen, negroes. Three fourths of them were

called by the defendant Morgan, but no matter, their testimony invariably

went in favor of the plaintiff Hyde. Each new witness only added new

testimony to the absurdity of a man’s claiming to own another man’s

property because his farm had slid down on top of it. Then the Morgan

lawyers made their speeches, and seemed to make singularly weak ones–

they did really nothing to help the Morgan cause. And now the General,

with exultation in his face, got up and made an impassioned effort; he

pounded the table, he banged the law-books, he shouted, and roared, and

howled, he quoted from everything and everybody, poetry, sarcasm,

statistics, history, pathos, bathos, blasphemy, and wound up with a grand

war-whoop for free speech, freedom of the press, free schools, the

Glorious Bird of America and the principles of eternal justice!

[Applause.]

When the General sat down, he did it with the conviction that if there

was anything in good strong testimony, a great speech and believing and

admiring countenances all around, Mr. Morgan’s case was killed. Ex-

Governor Roop leant his head upon his hand for some minutes, thinking,

and the still audience waited for his decision. Then he got up and stood

erect, with bended head, and thought again. Then he walked the floor

with long, deliberate strides, his chin in his hand, and still the

audience waited. At last he returned to his throne, seated himself, and

began impressively:

“Gentlemen, I feel the great responsibility that rests upon me this day.

This is no ordinary case. On the contrary it is plain that it is the

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