Roughing It by Mark Twain

have infested her–indeed I scarcely know her. I do not infest

anybody. I try to go along, in my humble way, doing as near right

as I can, never harming anybody, and never throwing out

insinuations. As for ‘her lord and his effects,’ they are of no

interest to me. I trust I have effects enough of my own–shall

endeavor to get along with them, at any rate, and not go mousing

around to get hold of somebody’s that are ‘void.’ But do you not

see?–this woman is a widow–she has no ‘lord.’ He is dead–or

pretended to be, when they buried him. Therefore, no amount of

‘dirt, bathing,’ etc., etc., howsoever ‘unfairly followed’ will be

likely to ‘worm him from his folly’–if being dead and a ghost is

‘folly.’ Your closing remark is as unkind as it was uncalled for;

and if report says true you might have applied it to yourself, sir,

with more point and less impropriety.

Very Truly Yours, SIMON ERICKSON.

“In the course of a few days, Mr. Greely did what would have saved a

world of trouble, and much mental and bodily suffering and

misunderstanding, if he had done it sooner. To wit, he sent an

intelligible rescript or translation of his original note, made in a

plain hand by his clerk. Then the mystery cleared, and I saw that his

heart had been right, all the time. I will recite the note in its

clarified form:

[Translation.]

‘Potatoes do sometimes make vines; turnips remain passive: cause

unnecessary to state. Inform the poor widow her lad’s efforts will

be vain. But diet, bathing, etc. etc., followed uniformly, will

wean him from his folly–so fear not.

Yours, HORACE GREELEY.’

“But alas, it was too late, gentlemen–too late. The criminal delay had

done its work–young Beazely was no more. His spirit had taken its

flight to a land where all anxieties shall be charmed away, all desires

gratified, all ambitions realized. Poor lad, they laid him to his rest

with a turnip in each hand.”

So ended Erickson, and lapsed again into nodding, mumbling, and

abstraction. The company broke up, and left him so…. But they did not

say what drove him crazy. In the momentary confusion, I forgot to ask.

CHAPTER LXXI.

At four o’clock in the afternoon we were winding down a mountain of

dreary and desolate lava to the sea, and closing our pleasant land

journey. This lava is the accumulation of ages; one torrent of fire

after another has rolled down here in old times, and built up the island

structure higher and higher. Underneath, it is honey-combed with caves;

it would be of no use to dig wells in such a place; they would not hold

water–you would not find any for them to hold, for that matter.

Consequently, the planters depend upon cisterns.

The last lava flow occurred here so long ago that there are none now

living who witnessed it. In one place it enclosed and burned down a

grove of cocoa-nut trees, and the holes in the lava where the trunks

stood are still visible; their sides retain the impression of the bark;

the trees fell upon the burning river, and becoming partly submerged,

left in it the perfect counterpart of every knot and branch and leaf,

and even nut, for curiosity seekers of a long distant day to gaze upon

and wonder at.

There were doubtless plenty of Kanaka sentinels on guard hereabouts at

that time, but they did not leave casts of their figures in the lava as

the Roman sentinels at Herculaneum and Pompeii did. It is a pity it is

so, because such things are so interesting; but so it is. They probably

went away. They went away early, perhaps. However, they had their

merits; the Romans exhibited the higher pluck, but the Kanakas showed the

sounder judgment.

Shortly we came in sight of that spot whose history is so familiar to

every school-boy in the wide world–Kealakekua Bay–the place where

Captain Cook, the great circumnavigator, was killed by the natives,

nearly a hundred years ago. The setting sun was flaming upon it, a

Summer shower was falling, and it was spanned by two magnificent

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